Wet blankets

It is, once again, tipping it down outside. This is getting a bit much - even for the north of England. I'm hoping this isn't a new trend: June as a 'rainy season'. I've been trying to wait out the heaviest rain to walk up to campus, but it doesn't seem to be working. I think even our house-cats are feeling the weather as they are more sluggish than usual.

Those of you who follow British politics will know that Gordon Brown gets the keys to no. 10 this week. I'm not sure what difference it will make - or how long Brown will last as PM. This article from MacLean's magazine, however, is not right - or rather it is too far right. Yes, the stats are correct I'm sure - but it amounts to a tacit support of David Cameron's Conservatives. It's a bit uncanny how much this feels like the situation Canada was in when Martin's Liberals were booted out - the scandal, the country described as going to the dogs in the popular press, the suddden about-face in politics and BANG we've got stephen-bloody-harper. I fear the same thing will happen here.

The one problem we don't have in this house is leaks - a fact I'm very glad of in this weather...

Those days...

Set the wrong alarm and missed my morning run - I feel especially stupid about that as it was a route that I suggested. And I have this nagging fear that the Fleet will simply think I've dogged out. THEN as I was leaping out of bed to get to my mobile, I stepped on my glasses, which Laila had knocked, with my bedtime-novel, to the floor. Luckily they are titanium - a matter of little force applied and they are mostly back in shape. I really should get new glasses. Will have to fill out new low-income application to NHS - will get to that today...

It's Open Day at the school today so the campus is absolutely rammed full of pre-university aged people (the worst kind - even below university students); my sacred library space trespassed continuously with boorish, messy, unfeeling candidates and their parents. Yes, I am being unfair. The campus has been so lovely this summer: quiet, peaceful, serene, -- academic. Suddenly, I'm reminded that I have to share it for 9 months of the year...!

London was fabulous - we managed to see 'most everything we wanted and much besides. And we saw this production of Othello at the Globe Theatre, met up with an old friend, and generally amused ourselves being tourists. Now it is really the grind - nearly July and only three months until I hand in The Thesis. Have switched external readers as the professor my supervisor initially picked wasn't available - but have found someone at last willing to read my little dissertation. I'm deliberately not thinking much past 30 September...

AND good news to make up for dreadful morning: it's a birthday-BBQ tonight! I'm hoping that the weather will hold up. It has been raining off and on for a week here in Yorkshire. There is some watery sunlight now - I'm willing it strength to see through the next bank of clouds. Our garden is blossoming like Eden, though I think I've learned something: fruit/veg plus loads and loads of rain makes for big swollen fruit/veg - but it's not sweet. The raspberries on our plot are gigantic this year, but when I picked a bowlful for pudding tonight, they were watery and sour. I've checked my books and apparently sunlight changes the starches to sugars... Simple chemistry I suppose - if they had explained chemistry with food in high-school, I'd have done much better I think. But see the bounty of our garden!

two of every animal

it's been raining for about three days in West Yorkshire. there's nothing so depressing as slipping on a pair of jeans that are still a bit damp from walking home the day before.

the news is telling me that some unfortunate souls in the next town over have seen their cars float out of their driveways. i'm thinking about building a raft, but the closest thing i have to lumber are all these bloody books i need to read...not that i wouldn't be secretly pleased to see it all at the bottom of a lake (which might actually be where it belongs).

that said, there's no better place to be on a rainy day than the library. so off i go. to the library. like, now.

grrargh.

...and it's October again...possibly even November. The temperature outside has taken a nosedive since the weekend - I'm going into the city to work today wearing a sweater, jeans, my boots and likely a jacket. Shocking behaviour for June, methinks.

Yes I am going into work. Because I thought it would be a good idea. No, I don't think it's a good idea anymore. Yes, I have to. No I don't plan on doing it anymore until my thesis is done. I'm nearly finished my marking for the year which is good - I have the weekend off work to spend, well, working on my revised chapter for my supervisor. The library is lovely and empty these days. I love it in the summer - especially cause its climate-controlled... unlike my other office, my house, work... Of course, climate control is bad - all that energy...

Anyway, here is a picture of Nas and me, taken in classic kaleyandnas style, on my 30th birthday...

Bored colour meme

I am so very bored at the library today...and I've already done some surfing on the MLA and found a bunch of new articles for The Thesis. So I feel that I have done some productive work - I also 'shelved' for an hour...

So I went to ForestPirate's site and found some cool memes that I remembered reading there in times past. Here is one on colour and colour associations:

~~~~~~~~~~~~RED~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest red thing to you?
Fire extinguisher on the wall in front of the customer services desk where I'm sitting

2. Have you ever cheated in a relationship?
No.

3. Last thing to make you angry?
Hmm...likely the news. Actually I'm sure it was the news - BBC24. I'm trying to remember exactly what it was though...oh, perhaps the new exhibit at the White Cube Gallery in London of a diamond-encrusted, platinum cast human skull - with original teeth... Oh wait, it was the archbishop in Scotland and his speech about abortion. Wow - I've obviously repressed that one as it angered me so much.

4. Are you a fan of romance?
In my life: yes; in movies: only if it is done suberbly well - and I mean better than Amelie or A Very Long Engagement (known in our household as 'A Very Long Movie'); in novels: yes, they are a big part of The Thesis.

5. Have you ever been in love?
Yup

~~~~~~~~~~~~GREEN~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest green thing to you?
Computer mouse-pad.

2. Do you care about the environment?
Yes.

3. Are you jealous of anyone right now?

Nope. I'm absurdly satisfied and content. Of course, it is Saturday - my job allows me time to do things like this, the sun is shining, and our friend is making us dinner tonight.

4. Do you like being outdoors?
I LOVE being outdoors: garden, jogging, camping, picnic and frisbee-ing, kubb-ing, hammock-ing...

5. Are you Irish?
Is this question for statistical purposes? And, BTW, the national colour of Ireland is blue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~PURPLE~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Last purple thing you saw?
Graduate joining form for the library.

2. Like being treated to expensive things?
Hmm...not really. Is time 'expensive'? I like being treated to an afternoon off - but that should ideally involve napping on the couch, going to the garden - maybe just maybe having a coffee and cake outing.

3. Favorite type of chocolate?
Green & Black's; Montezuma's chocolate-with-espresso. Type of chocolate? 70% dark?

4. Ever met anyone in royalty?
No. Outmoded and embarassing structure perpetuating oppressive traditions and social structures. They shouldn't let me near them.

5. Are you lonely?
Right now? No. Ever? Yes; but sometimes I like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~YELLOW~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest yellow thing to you?
Reserve notices for the library.

2. Favorite holiday?
Christmas. I know - pretty standard.

3. Are you a coward?
I'm getting the feeling that these questions are deliberately too open to consider carefully. Generally, yes: I hate pain, losing, and not knowing. Specifically, no: I am married, I have moved halfway around the world to persue my interests. In many instances, yes: I cannot watch images of cruelty anymore, I will not let my cats wander for fear that someone will hurt them, I sometimes think obsessively about future pain.

4. Do you want children?
Um...I'm just going to leave this one alone.

5. What makes you feel warm and safe?
Many things: my bed, my house, my cats, Nasser, tea and biscuits, York, the library...

~~~~~~~~~~~~BLUE~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest blue thing to you?
'Loan request' forms.

2. Are you good at calming people down?
I have no idea. Sometimes I suppose. I'm better at letting people calm themselves down.

3. Do you like the sea?
I like the idea of the sea. I've not spent much time around the real thing. Though I would like to. One of my favourite tragic characters, King Haggard in Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn, says of the sea that it is the only thing at which he can look at for long because it is never the same.

4. What was the last thing to make you cry?
The Thesis.

5. Can you sleep easily?
Yes. Because of crazy work/research schedules, home and sleep have become almost entirely synonymous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~PINK~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest pink thing to you?
Highlighter. How boring. Across the room there is a lovely vase full of beautiful flowers.

2. Do you like sweet things?
Yes. But I like rich food better than sweet and plain better than fancy.

3. Do you like punk music?
Another thinker...I like the idea of punk. I like the freshness and paradoxes of original punk, especially in the UK.

4. What is your favorite flower?
Right now - anything that comes up in our garden: sweet williams, poppies, anenomies, sweet peas...I like courgette flowers (pretty and edible!).

5. Does someone have a crush on you?
Don't know & don't really care.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ORANGE~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest orange thing to you?
The cover of a book called American Empire.

2. Do you like to burn things?
In a campfire or fireplace - yes.

3. Dress up for Halloween?
Yup.

4. Do you prefer the single life or the security of a relationship?
Crazily happily married

5. What would your superpower be?
That is a great question. Flight? Anti-ignorance brain waves? Superpowers require superpeople and I fear I am not so just or so strong as to not use them to project my own desires on the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~WHITE~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest white thing to you?
Paper.

2. How do you imagine your wedding?
I don't. I remember my wedding - and it was gorgeous.

3. Do you like to play in the snow?
Yes. But I haven't played in the snow for ages...we don't really get much snow here.

4. Are you afraid of going to the doctor or dentist?
Generally, yes. My blood pressure goes up as soon as I walk into an examination room. The dentist elicits the same response but that is pavlovian as every time I've gone, I've had to get a root canal or some such nonsense.

5. Do you have Attention Deficit Disorder?
um...no.
~~~~~~~~~~~~BLACK~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Closest black thing to you?
The PC in front of me.

2. Ever enjoy hurting people?
No. Though I do like slap-stick comedy for the tragi-comic value of it.

3. Are you sophisticated or silly?
Both but generally I get the situation wrong.

4. Would you like to go to space?
Yes - definitely - but it's kind of like my wanting to live at the bottom of the ocean: I don't want to do it in a giant ship strapped into all kinds of machines and protective armour. Every environment that is not our own must be entered as though we were back in the womb - the image that makes 2001: A Space Oddessey such a brilliant film. I want to inhabit space - be in space the way I am here on earth.

5. Do you have a lot of secrets?
If I did, I've forgotten them.

June june june!

And it really is, as the song says, 'busting out all over' - and quite suddenly too. Two days ago I thought about turning the heat on (I went and got a jumper instead); today I'm sweltering in a skirt and t-shirt. Of course, all those days when I went into the city on purpose to buy sandals and didn't cause the weather was so awful...now I'm still wearing my black boots. A wee bit hot for the toesies.

But the library is finally quiet. Exams have passed; students have left only scrap paper, litter, and a lingering almost subliminal scent of anxiety - of course, that could be coming from the PhD studies in the basement (including mine!).

Librarians take note: behind me, my co-workers tonight are discussing graphic novels and fantasy...

100

I've been at the library 9 out of the last 10 days either working or researching. And I'm actually not sick of it. It's just starting to feel like home - I should bring a toothbrush.

So I've been 30 for a whole weekend now and still don't feel any different.

This morning was one of those mornings - the kind where I think, we should have stayed in bed, but that would have made it worse. Our trusty alarm clock (Wilko's special four years ago) has finally given up the ghost. Of course, today was one of very few days where we actually needed to be up - 6am for poor Nas - to get to work. I woke up at 7.54; Nas was out of the house by 8... Then, just to crank up my adrenaline as well, his manager called me at my library to say that Nas hadn't turned up to work an hour later. After fifteen minutes in which I convinced myself that he had disappeared somewhere on the 10 minute walk between our house and campus, she rang back to say he was, in fact, at work - they just hadn't checked round. Now adrenaline gone, I'm a bit tired.

Thank goodness for the end of long weekends.

This post has been brought to you by the number 100.

sure, it's raining

But i am writing this in Britain.

as it is the weekend, and i am trapped behind a desk (working) in a university library - a library with no students (a situation which is either ideal [for the librarian] or depressing [because no one is using all this lovely, perfectly good Knowledge]), and it is raining outside, and i am bored to the core of my being...i offer you all this:

paper planes

(i'm kind of stuck constructing the Gomez. i think my favorite is the Silke.)

c'mon, who doesn't like paper planes? or blanket forts? or anything that requires the obsession and borderline mania that only a child trying to balance a playing card on its edge can muster?

Top tip: breathe deep and fold crisply.

30

The OED word-of-the-day today is 'mysterious'.

The weather today is beautiful.

Today is also the birthday of Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Today is a glorious day to be born. I've always liked my birthday - I like the symmetry of 25/5/77 - I like the spring/summer-ness of it. But I also like the fact that it feels like any other day.

29

This is the last day of my 20s. I don't mind turning 30 - but I don't like, as my friend put it, the public pressure on 30. People keep offering to 'cheer me up' and 'keep me company' on my birthday, rather than celebrate it! I like turning 30; I especially like the fact that 30 will mark the end of my formal education. I will be a 'Dr' at 30. 'Professor' by 40? Maybe.

It's a fun mental game to think about 30 years ago today. I wasn't here. Or I was here? But not here? This would have been the last day of my parents' lives as two. I'm sure people prepare for these things but I'm also pretty certain that the actual screaming, pooping, realness of a baby is different from whatever was imagined. And that was me.

And why, exactly, does 30 loom so large in the cultural imaginary?

At any rate, I am going to enjoy this last day of 29 by sitting in my office reading articles and writing my thesis. Tomorrow...!

Me V Logan

Logan is so attached to our desk chair that he will, if necessary, sit on whatever is occupying the chair while he 'needs' it. This includes books, cushions, coats, random objects and people - me in particular. While there are few things more comforting in my life than my cats purring on my lap, Logan is huge and heavy and simply not responsive to arguments about me needing to finish my thesis in order to get a job in order to keep him in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed, which I am currently trying to do.

World leader, pretend

I'm slowing moving up the ranks in the library towards my ultimate goal of LIBRARY DOMINATION. As of September, I'm a CSA 1 - a step up from my current lowly position as CSA. It doesn't come with a pay-rise, but I do get an extra shift during the week. I also managed to secure a few hours a week over the summer, which should keep us from selling 'The Big Issue' outside of the Victoria Quarter.

This morning we went running the opposite direction down the canal path - exciting times. It's actually a bit tougher than the way we usually run as the locks are towards the city centre which means its downhill one way and uphill the way home... It's getting warm finally and I need to find some summer running clothes - NOT SHORTS however. I have a pathological hatred of myself in shorts. I'm thinking more those trendy short-pants or long-shorts.

Can I take a moment and wax on about running? I love running. I love it so much. I love that it actually makes me leave a pub early, get up early, get out early. I love having an entire morning after running when I'm feeling absolutely great. I love the fact that I have two little abdominal muscles developing. I love my new legs with ropey bits of muscle clearly visible. I love that it is free, ethical, environmental - it's really the Ultimate Good.

Today I walked to work without my coat.

And we're curing our own bacon - not nearly as cool as saying I smoke my own bacon but our neighbourhood isn't so dodgy as to allow random fires/smoking piles of stuff... I'm very excited. I bought a side of free-range, organic, rare-breed pork belly (Gloucestershire Old Spot) from the farmer's market a few weeks ago (for a tenner he let me have that and a beautiful tenderloin which we had the other night) . Now it is sitting in our fridge, 'curing' away, (hopefully) turning into the best bacon we've ever had. I'll keep you posted.

Things I want to do in the next five years:

I usually hate these kind of goal oriented lists - so I've called this things I want to do, rather than things i 'will accomplish' or some other nonsense. It must be turning 30 - which doesn't bother me, but it's a nice round number to think about and ponder over - not too hard, mind you.

* run a half-marathon

* have a kitchen with a dining area big enough to have a table and chairs which we will then actually use for eating. As is, our kitchen fits the two of us standing very close together. We did have a table and chairs in the lounge but, as with any flat surface, it became a paper-holding space. How I long to sit at a table or stand around a kitchen island while eating!

* publish my book.

* start my career.

* learn sign language. The library runs a scheme that grants employees funding for courses not directly related to our jobs. It's a perfect waste not to get free education so I've been casting around for something to take up. When Nas was ill years ago we got out a book of AmSign to play with and loved it. I've forgotten what we taught ourselves now.

* travel more. Pretty open, I know. But it's just embarassing to have been living here this long and never have gotten to France... Or Belgium...

* have a house with storage space and a spare room and windows on more than one side. Pretty bourgeois, I know. Dare I add a garden and studio room for Nas? I mean, I thought it unrealistic to want a house of our own in five years, especially as we want to build.

I'm sure there are more. I like lists. Anyway, I'm not 30 for another week (five days actually!) so I'll keep on a-thinkin'.

drabble

I slept well last night but obviously in some contortionists pose as I woke up with my neck and shoulders in agony. Annoyingly, it hasn't gone away. Interestingly, I'm forced into really excellent posture as it is the only position that seems to offer any relief. Irritatingly, I have to go to York this afternoon to give a paper at their post-grad seminar series. The train journey will not be comfortable!

The interviews for the one-year lectureship here at the uni were this morning. I considered applying but chose not to on the basis of my scanty publications (that is, none). One thing I realise having sat through the candidates - I should have applied. Bother.

sunday afternoons and teaspoons

The weather did not co-operate but we didn't care - and we braved the incliment outdoors for about 2 1/2 hours before retiring to our friend's generously donated house. Such a lovely party! Though there were no party frocks, linen trousers, or croquet, we did have two games of Kubb going and spillikins (a giant version of pick-up-sticks - I loved it!). And so much food! But most of all, good friends at ease with each other. How fortunate we are in our friends here.

Nasser's cake went down a hit and small wonder - Look at it!


I am not a good hostess, however. I ran for an hour in the morning and then spent from about 10am until 3pm cooking for the party - with the result that I made lovely food but was exhausted by about 8pm! Ah well.

Today the rain hasn't stopped since about 9.30...it's not cold, though. So just a nice, cosy, spring storm. These days always remind me of the conservatory in our old house in Simcoe. I remember wearing a striped shirt - red, I think - and there was a brass lamp with a frosted glass shade, cut like a lily, shining from on top of an old bureau with an ancient radio on top. That radio had an 8-track player in it. This memory is from before the kitchen was redone and I'm sitting on the old black and tan couch which was on the wall facing the back door. I can see from the corner of my eye (or maybe I know it so well, I can see without looking) the cork wall beside the kitchen table and the linoleum floor running from the kitchen into the sun-room - little squares and rectangles of colour in a pattern I never did figure out. There is rain on the windows, still falling heavily on the skylights - it is late afternoon and darker than it should be. The windows in the room have fogged up with breath and cooking. I am young and comfortable and reading Bambi: a Life in the Woods by Felix Salten.

Now I am comfortable and older - there is rain on the window though it is no longer falling outside. It is dark out - but only the usual dimness of a cloudy spring afternoon; there are no trees outside my window to filter the light. My cats are curled up with my husband on the couch that faces the stairs. The television is on, perched on a black stand we salvaged from the bin-yard. In front of me is the memory I have written out - a passage of time - behind me (seen with vision sharper then my poor eyes) could be my parents' home in Canada, an apartment in Kingston, a flat in Windsor or, as memory and the present resolve, my home here and now.

It's my party...

Kind of... four of my friends were born in May too. So we're having one big party. I'm the only gemini though - so I'm of two minds about it all...

Nas is making a cake as we speak - he even went out and bought silly decorations - little animal shapes and marshmallows. It's not a bunny cake, I'll admit, but still very sweet. He did make me a birthday bunny cake the first year we were here - best cake a girl could have, right sis?

I'm making lovely dippable things - perfect for eating while holding a drink. And sushi and Spanish tortilla - both culinary memories of good friends who live far away now.

And moi? I am dying my hair - for the party, you see. I found a bunch of old henna blocks from Lush (oh how I love Lush!). I forget what colour they were supposed to be though so the result may be a surprise: either red or chestnut, I think. Or nothing; it's hard to tell with henna. I used to dye my hair crazy colours on purpose. There was the last day of exams in my third year at Queen's - bright bright purple (I'm not sure why - I wasn't an engineer). My flatmate's parents came to pick her up that afternoon - mid-dye; they'd never met me before - I'm not sure what kind of impression I made. I distinctly recall not caring though! Then there was the summer of peroxide blonde...with fire-engine red fringe. Oh how my grandmother trembled for the future! Henna tends to leak green - I wouldn't mind if my hair turned out green - dark green preferably. I could claim I was turning into the Hulk.

Back to the present: perhaps I will dress up and take a photo of me at my party with my hair. Here is one of what I look like mid-process:



(fast forward to)

double double

In all my excitement, I forgot that I had indeed posted about my fantastic meeting with my supervisor... apologies for the repeat. Obviously it was so good that I felt obliged to tell the world twice.

The sun is still shining so gloriously today - I am not getting anything done in my office except some reading... I have to work at 5, so am determined to stay until then and 'work'...

Zizek!

I forgot to say - after all my stress (including calling my grandmother in near-tears and making her worry!), I had a really excellent supervisory meeting last Friday.

I also forgot to mention that we saw SpiderMan3 on the weekend. It's so awful. My god - over 2 hours of complete and utter drivvel. Not even Bruce Campbell could save it (though he was the one spot of relief!). It's just so very republican - so very normative and deterministically heterosexual. So very boring.

And we watched Little Miss Sunshine - which was very feel-good.

Took a kicking in squash yesterday. I don't like playing a game of squash - keeping score makes it less fun for me, even when I'm winning. But it was still fun. I didn't keep score - though I definitely lost! And we went for a good run today in the early morning sunshine.

Saturday, we're hoping for very good weather as we're planning a day in the park - 5 May birthdays (mine included).

Oh yes, I also found this: Zizek! It's a documentary film about the Slovenian academic. See, academics are cool.

Eat(ing), Drink(ing), and Be(ing) Merry

I'm still alive! My meeting with my supervisor was fantastic - as usual. Actually, it was better than usual as we were able, for the first time, to talk about the project as a whole. She asked me what my thesis was about and I answered - and answered well. So now, in the final stretch, I have a month to submit my introduction and chapter one. And so on from there.

Our friend visited from London this weekend - which was lovely. Friday we just sat around - all exhausted (she teaches primary school in London) - ate pasta and listened to music while catching up and such. Saturday we went into Leyburn with a bunch of friends from Leeds for the food and drink festival. Lovely beers!! And the food tent! Nasser ate enough meat to last him a couple days at least. They had amazing ice-cream stalls too - our friend G-- had ginger ice-cream. I had green gooseberry and mango frozen yoghurt. They also had a very interesting farming display with the theme 'Farming for Food' about local, sustainable farming projects. They had calves (squee!!) and a some very strange looking sheep (they looked like they had dredlocks...). Inside there was a display of textile production (for which the Aire valley is historically important): from the sheep (stinky, matted wool coated in lanolin) to the finest skeins. And I didn't realise that different kinds of sheep produced different wools: the leicestershire (lancashire?) blue's wool was gorgeous - silky and fine, but another sheep's was like stiff cotton balls.

Having eaten and drunk our fill - my favourite beer was a Belgian-style wheat beer called 'Val de Plas' from Wharfedale breweries - we made our way home. I should say, getting out and back required a train and two different buses. Considering there were eight of us trying to stick together, it could have been (should have been!) disasterous. Unbelievably - and I will tell this story when I hear of nightmare journeys involving only one train! - our connections were not only on time, they were perfectly timed. The longest we waited was about 15 minutes in Leyburn on the way home. The sun even came out in the afternoon and the wind softened.

Nas gave me an early birthday present - a new camera (okay, it's for both of us!) that he found for a great deal at a second-hand shop because it's missing the manual and packaging. This is a long way of saying...I didn't take many pictures... But next weekend is birthday-palooza in the park for five (5!) of us born in May. I promise to faithfully record the event - I may even buy a new frock for the occassion as it is supposed to be slightly-formal wear (we're going to play garden games and eat canapes).

So a good weekend had by all. And now back to work. We went for a good run this morning - I was so stiff! Shin splints seem to be getting better - they only really bother me starting out now. I have to write a paper this week as I've been invited to give one at the York post-grad seminar next Tuesday. 'Write' is misleading - I'll be ripping the guts out of one of my chapters and tweaking it to sound like a paper rather than a chapter!

week's end

ugh. What a week. I have been sternly told by my grandmother that I take on too much. She's likely right. It's just that most of the time, I feel like I'm not doing enough: enough research, enough paid work, enough exercise... This week I think I topped my record: Monday-Wednesday I was in my office by 9.30, wrote (or tried to write - another problem) until 12.30, had lunch, worked at the library until 5pm, went back to office and wrote (tried to) until anywhere between 7.30 and 9.30...went home. I also ran Tuesday and Wednesday at 7.15 - and they were really really great runs. I probably should've kept the running up but yesterday I had to teach all day starting at 10 so I postponed the run til today. Yet, as you see, gentle reader, it is 'today' and I am typing, not running. The spirit was very willing - the flesh is tired.

This week, I was supposed to hand in the second half of my introduction. It's not in. I have a fairly unproductive way of dealing with this - I wind myself up, convinced that my supervisor is going to tear me open to find the writing, become irritable, snappy, and tired, - none of which makes writing much easier. As I've said before, I've got no reason to believe that my supervisor will treat me thus - she never has been anything but supportive and encouraging. But in that state of mind, everything becomes an issue - this morning when I woke up feeling awful, I immediately felt guilty for feeling unable to run. Upon calm reflection, I do see how this pattern is silly - but I haven't yet figured out a way out of it in the moment.

Anyway, just sitting here, I'm feeling better (and supervisor emailed today to say not to worry - I'd emailed her on Wednesday panicking about my writing...). I have my last consultation hour of the year - possibly my last before finishing my PhD! - and then the meeting this afternoon. Our friend is visiting from London this weekend and we're heading out to the Dales to go to a food and drink festival - hopefully the weather co-operates. Every morning has felt like November and every afternoon like June. I got a sunburn from teaching outside...

a taste of my youth

My friend Betsy and I went to the playground today for a little shoot-around. Basketball isn't really my favourite sport (I just don't have the knack of it), and I can't talk her out to the tennis courts - so we went to where the hoops are.

Last time we went out there, we played a two-on-two with a couple of fellows (we'll call them Jim and Jam). It was a good, intense, and equal match. They were out again today, and we started a game.

And then, five fifteen year old schoolboys of Indo-Pakistani descent asked us in broad Yorkshire accents if we wanted to play full-court with them.

Betsy beckoned to me. "This is getting out of control, Nas."

I agreed. I was really out there for the company and I'm crap at team sports, but by this point the loudest (and least athletic) of the kids was already dividing us into teams. "What the hell Betsy," I said, stretching my thirty-four year old quadriceps, "let's give them a run for their money."

"They probably have more money than we do," Betsy shot back.

Before things got rolling there was the requisite round of trash-talk. The Loudmouth kid was
being, well, loud. I noticed he was wearing jeans and started calling him Levi Strauss (after the denim company, of course - not the famous structuralist anthropologist, Claude Levi-Strauss - although I don't imaine the kids were confused). Somehow, I also dubbed another of the kids "Tyra" (after the fashion model Tyra Banks...he took it really well, though!)

We split into teams and on our first possession when I brought the ball up into their court and an overly eager defender broke my glasses. Nothing takes the fun out of an early evening game than that. And in that moment, I was reminded of an old truth:

No matter how old you get, if you're standing on tarmac with a slightly bent nose and a broken pair of glasses in your hand while a friend puts a hand on your shoulder, asking "Are you all right?" - you're seven years old. It's an involuntary reaction that feels disturbingly like "My mom is gonna KILL me when I get home."

(But I think I've grown a little since then. I went home and got my 'nerd' frames and played out the rest of the game - which is an improvement over staying home and weeping into a bowl of fruit cocktail while getting yelled at for being careless...)