starting weak

Do I ever love 'Left and Leaving' by The Weakerthans... It makes me happy no matter when or where I here it. Even though, I suppose, it's nominally a sad song. Or at least a song for reflecting on.

Run today was slow and hard - the weather's gone all funny: humid but not hot. Even by 7.30 the air was unduly heavy. It brings on my asthma - which was bothering me last night - I'm a bloody barometer in this kind of beastly British weather. But we ran nonetheless and that's the thing.

And on Saturday we were up at the garden for nearly four hours. Nas dug three new beds - very impressive. Cath and I dug up and fertilized the other beds and planted onions, garlic, salad leaves, and peas. I know - I don't have any pictures yet - I will put some up soon.

We've been listening to the BBC 24 news channel as part of our mornings lately. It's interesting - usually we become irate at some example of stupidity or ignorance and have to thrash it out before going to work. Today, there was a story about the dramatic increase in unwanted animals - an issue close to my heart. It angered me because the reason for the increase was the number of people simply dumping pets that they no longer wanted to care for. See - I'm getting insensed again. What is it with this culture of not-me? I am so thoroughly sick of people not being at fault. There is no beginning or end to this phenomenon - I see it everywhere. Pedagogy that suggests that there is no 'failure' - there are no 'bad students'. Health stories that blame fat on genes, addiction on upbringing, criminality on lack of caring. When, exactly, do people have to suck it up? Surely we are still striving to teach children that responsibility cannot simply be given up when it becomes inconvenient? Of course, they see exactly this abdication of responsibility and care around them everyday at the highest levels. See - this is the thing - animals and children will always be the first victims of negligence and cruel carelessness - but this is becoming endemic. And I have to level it at bullshit humanistic individualist crap - "I deserve" and "I want" seem to be valid reasons for just about anything. Because if we only 'want' something, we have no real responsibility for it - it's reason for being is only to serve us. When we no longer 'want' it, we can be rid of it. If our 'wants' create things - they are things that fall under our dominion and power - regardless of its autonomy or existence (a kitten, a child), our 'want' has created it...ARGH! I'm not getting this out right.

I know this isn't new - my rage and frustration, I mean. Though likely the apathy that instigates it isn't new either. But why is it okay for some people to wash their hands of responsibility? Why is that okay? Why do they get to be empowered by the act of negating responsibility? I get it - it's heroic for someone to recognize their limits. That's just not bloody good enough. Recognize your limits and then surpass them. It was Pilate that washed his hands.

See! My frustration has driven me to a bible allusion!!

Ooh...that reminds me (in a typical ADHD move) - I have a new book - it's the book too. And it was free - bless those clerical errors at big companies. There is an online King James version but I have to read so much online - it's nice to have the whole thing in easily-referenced print. And, for some reason, I've always felt strange borrowing one from the library. I'm not sure why. I guess I still feel like I should have one... Now I do.