stay tuned

I'm starting to feel old every time I turn on the telly. Not that I'm becoming vaguely uncomfortable with what the kids are wearing these days or why anyone would be interested in watching [insert reality TV show here]. It's all the death.

I admit - I am as guilty as the next person for my taste in crime drama (which only worsened when I started studying Gothic literature): I can happily sit through the scientifically-squeaky-clean crime scenes of everyone's favourite forensics drama, languish for hours with the ever-so brusque Brisco and the forever young and sexy (female) DAs of Law & Order. I can even sit through the spin-offs if nothing else is on. I'll watch Bones, if only to prove to myself over and over that acting wasn't what kept Angel on the air for five seasons. I've seen more bodies since those shows started than my entire previous experience of action-flicks. Nine times out of ten, we mock the shows - they are just great for TV-karaoke. Seriously lacking in narrative or character depth, they defy the viewer to formulate a reason for enjoying them other than plain old Freudian fascination with other people's dirty secrets, voyeuristic pleasure of being behind that yellow tape instead of being admonished to 'keep walking' and blatantly lied to with 'there's nothing to see here', and just a smidgen of self-righteous smugness.

I love 'em.

But what is with the horror? As a sensitive soul (Planet Earth makes me cry), I've had difficulty watching Unexplained Mysteries; now, I'm supposed to be entertained on an average weekday night by (admittedly, AA-15) horror programs? It's turning into some ghastly repeat of my childhood: happily singing along to the end credits of Today's Special and suddenly being glued to the carpet with fear as the freaky therumin-theme of Dr Who filled the room.

I note they've brought over Intelligence to match the Can-con of Da Vinci's Inquest. I wish they'd brought over Little Mosque on the Prairie. I caught 10 minutes of the pilot before I flew home after Christmas. How is it?